I blame Jessie entirely.
Sure, I came up with the concept, and designed the costume, but she didn’t stop me the way a good friend should have. She even went shopping with me. What kind of best friend lets you go to a costume party dressed like an owl?
Exactly.
Of course, it probably wouldn’t have changed much if she had stopped me. Well, ok. So if I’d been wearing something different we’d probably be talking at SF General. Whatever. It’s still all Jessie’s fault.
What? The beginning? That IS the beginning. Jessie talking me into going to the party as an owl. That’s how this whole thing started for me. I wonder what she’s gonna think when she sees the news…
Huh?
Um, well – it started out as this barrel-shaped thing made of chicken wire and coat hangers. Then we covered it in paper mache. Then we hot-glued marabou and feathers on and made these straps with brown duct-tape to hold it on my shoulders. Then we made the mask with a beak and this little hat thing to look like those ear tuft things that owls have in pictures. I got some leggings and some face paint and that was the whole thing.
No. We didn’t make a costume for Jessie. She was James Bond.
I told you. She hooked up with her girlfriend around midnight and I went with Bronwen. See what I mean? What kind of best friend is that? Leaving me alone with some stranger like that.
Oh! Yes. That’s what she said her name was anyway.
Yes. Well, we met at the party.
It was at my friend Turtle’s house.
No, no. That was later. We’d left the party at that point to, um…have some privacy.
Yes. We were going to have sex. Yes. I do have sex with other women. Yes. I have picked up strangers for sex in the past. Ok? I assume you live in San Francisco. It’s not a big fucking deal.
